That guy who spends all morning trying to come up with that clever line

To self, in the morning, while shaving...

Okay, yesterday, I walked in there and quoted from "Caddyshack"... or was it from "Blazing Saddles"? No, it was "Saddles" -- I walked in and said "Where're all the white women at?" Maybe I can use "Caddyshack" today. Maybe I'll say, "Pool... or pond. Pond'd be good for you." That'd be funny. Maybe I should say that. But they'll all be expecting that.

To self, in the car while driving downtown...

Or... OR... I can always go "Office Space" on them. "PC Load letter? What the fuck does that mean?" People always love that. Everyone's seen that movie a thousand times already, though. Even I'm sick of it at this point. Back to basics... back to basics. "NO SOUP FOR YOU!" "No soup..." I don't think so. Too 1994. Wednesday should earn a deeper-dig than "Seinfeld."

To self, on the way back to car after stopping for coffee...

What if I just lay some funny voices down? What if I do the Clintonesque thumb-point -- "Good jobs, for good Americans." Wait! I got it! "NAHT GAHN DAH IT!" Carvey's Bush always kills.

To self, while locking up car and proceeding into office...

"Spock... Spock! KHANNN!" No, everyone's just watched that Comedy Central Roast... too obvious. Been a while since I broke out a little Christopher Walken. Close... close... warmer... Dennis Hopper! "Pop quiz, hotshot!" No one will see that coming!

To crowd, walking into the morning conference with west coast sales reps...

"SEIZE THE DAY! SEIZE THE DAY!... Seize... the... remember? From 'Dead Poets Society' ?" [beat] "Anyone? 'Bueller?' Anyone?" [beat] "Hmm... 'So solly!' 'So solly!' 'Velly solly!' "