Saturday, November 24, 2007

Gift ideas for dad

Just in time for the holidays, our special filet mignon medallions will be the perfect compliment on your Christmas meal table! We use only the most premium cuts of the finest beef from the farthest corners of the planet Earth, areas unreachable by human travelers, unspoilt by the cumbersome footprint of modern progress, to bring you what is assuredly the most excellent sample of bovine muscle tissue that science and assayed telemetry as we know it can possibly produce, to within human tolerances.

We slice the steaks extra thick using proton-fed boronoscope surgical grade lasers (software version 2.1, accurate to within 11 angstroms) to deliver only the meatiest portions to your house. Thereafter, it's flash-frozen for freshness using a series of high-pressure injection nozzles firing 38.5 PSI of compressed liquid nitrogen, ensuring peak levels of locked-in flavor. Then, we store the meat in Aegyptian-cotton liners soaked through with a porous molecular wax, creating an impermeable, hydrophobic surface that's effective up to 3 atmospheres of pressure. That unit is individually wrapped in a grid of naturally-occurring bamboo shoots and high-grade tensile teflon, ensuring pristine oxygen levels and a minimum of atomic gaseous contamination. That parcel is then placed in a Buckminster Fuller-esque geodesic dome fashioned out of a pure, nonreactive americium and praesiodymium, elements honed specifically for the purpose of transporting your order with maximum freshness.

That platonic solid is then wrapped in a theoretical cross-matrix of hope and fury, all but enabling the package to flourish in an environment of unfettered joy whilst maintaining a grim line of power and righteous anger about the fate of fallen Phoenician kings, and the flesh that shall ne'er again flood their old bones with feeling and purpose.

This quasi-real substance is delivered overnight to your home, or at least what approximates your living space in a semiotic sense, perhaps never quite reaching the dinner table in a paradoxical irony suitable for Zeno himself. It is only at this juncture where the thinker is forced to consider the base nature of consumption -- are you partaking of the flesh, or is the flesh partaking of you? The membrane between synthesis and metamorphosis has never been quite as porous as it seems now, and surely nothing you've ever considered as belief-grounding up to this point can offer any concrete certainty.

Order today -- only $68.95 for two pieces, or $111.95 for four! Supplies are sure to dwindle, so act now!