Monday, June 23, 2008

I look like a housecat

Really, it's true. I had to go back to real life today after nine day at the Long Island barrier beach of Fire Island, and I disabused the razor while away. It's an experiment, because I have the follicular growth of an 11-year-old. I always hope that my face will look like Burt Reynolds's chest given a few days to accumulate growth, but the reality hews closer to this:

Usually, I banish the scanty growth before I hit the mainland again out of fear that I'll be given a can of Fancy Feast by passers-by.

Back in the bad old days, when I was a fat fatty-pants fat-faced fatty-fat, I used to maintain a Van Dyke because of the obvious fat-guy deceitful employment of facial hair to draw a chin line where there is actually none in real life.

Barring that illusion, what advantage is there to having teh growth? I generally don't think that guys look a whole lot gooder with it than without it, and what I decree is rarely adhered to by John F. Public (see my screed on footwear). I guess the question is only how long I'll keep up this pathetic fallacy.

Am I more masculine? Or do I look like Doogie Howser's friend Vinnie Delpino?

I'm not sure, but the haziness is killing me. Well then, off the fucker goes tomorrow, and I go back to looking like this guy:

Can anyone lend a a sopping sponge of much-needed testosterone?