What's in the workplace refrigerator?

That's a good question, and it's one that I asked myself this afternoon as I ambled into the workplace kitchen.

Zounds! Bullshit! Fucking Diet Sunkist!? Seltzer? What, is this my grandmother's fridge? Where's the goddamn Tang?

Those buzzards I call coworkers have drained every last drop of ginger ale. All the Dr. Pepper is gone. There's not a single can of Diet Coke with Lemon. You can forget about finding a can of Nestea. Looking for Pepsi One? Fuck that shit.

Nothing. Not a damn thing. Not even a Mr. Pibb for your troubles. By the looks of it, the six-pack of diet orange was hit pretty hard, suggesting that someone got desperately thirsty enough to drink that chilled bathwater.

And the funny thing is, I don't even drink soda.