Desk

I think I've found the single locus in the contiguous 48 American states that contains the greatest concentration of fruit syrup -- the desk pictured above. When one mounts the boss's chair, the nostrils are overwhelmed by the sickly scent of dried splashes of fruit salad, so much so one could reasonably expect there to be a cloud of yellowjackets swarming the desk as you might find around a picnic garbage can.

Amidst the coffee-ringed paperwork and velvety pelts of industrial-strength dust -- if you're so bold as to dare an intrepid finger about the morass -- you will quickly find a dread stickiness commensurate with the rankest of men's room floors.

My enthusiasm for this job just never seems to wane.