False step

I'd love to help you, but as you can see, I seem to be having a little trouble with my foot here. It's caught in this antiquated, painful apparatus. Boy, it hurts like the deuce, I can assure you of that.

Can't seem to budge this bastard. I'm kinda stuck here.

I have to admit, it's a pretty impressive device -- it looks very expensive. State of the art technology, maybe, 30 years ago. And who leaves bear traps out anyway? Ah, that's neither here nor there.

So, while I'm feeling my bones grind to splinters and the vital fluids wash out of my body, I can only think about my diminished mobility and the inability to express myself adequately at this point in time. Boy, there are so many things in the world I would love to be doing, and as exciting as this rusty, iron trap is, stepping onto the contact plate was not one of those things; at least, not when I left the house this morning.

But, maybe I should be thankful for what the beartrap is giving me -- stability. I am assured of one constant place in the world, a little niche for me and my rapidly en-blue-ing extremity. Not a lot of people can boast that kind of advantage. And it's all for me.

So, I'll just be over here, sitting in the pine needles, going dizzy as I watch hikers and raccoons go by. At least I think those are raccoons -- truth be told, I'm getting kinda loopy. You don't have to worry about how this whole situation is going, because I think it's pretty obvious-looking.