Because there's nothing more important than this going on in the world right now

If you wear pleats you're a sucker, sorry. Jump off the pleat-wagon as soon as you can. This is, like, the illest peeve in the entire AmericanCaesar Salad-Bowl - dudes walking down the street in ill-fitting pants with HUGENORMOUS pleats, enlarging the ass to the nth degree.

I'm speaking as a recovering pleat-wearer myself, so I love the sinner even if I hate the sin. What possible advantage does eight extra yards of fabric sewn into the front of your Gap khakis give you - other than the immediate impression that you hate blowjobs from gorgeous women (I leave out my gay brothers because they already received the pleat memoranda) and that you love stationwagons and driving them to your homes containing ugly wives in Suffolk County, Long Island.