The emaciated corpse of Dick Clark!

It will apparently be wheeled out Saturday night for audiences to gasp at in horror. Quelle horreur! Zounds!

Or at least that's what Dick's people are starting to make his shindig over there at ABC seem like, what with the press blackout on Dick's condition/appearance. It's like his people are trying to conceal either one or two "ugly" things we can't handle:

1.) All of Dick's skin has fallen off in a single dry sheet, and his skull is phosphorescing an eerie green glow that's accompanied by the noxious fumes of burnt hair.

2.) They have installed his brain into the body of Rudolf Hess.

No way to tell until showtime... be there or be square!