Tuesday, November 22, 2005

96 tears

Just had a rousing session with my shrink on Monday morning, wherein I brought up the crying. Yes, the crying - good ol' lachrymation of the lachrymose. In my childhood, I came to associate crying with a lot of shame and weakness. Dad, WKS Sr., was a non-demonstrative guy from a sterile, non-demonstrative family, so that's the way he was around me and my brother. I think you see the math adding up - when I felt compelled to cry as a kid, I tried to choke back my tears and hide my face so that no one could see me. Couldn't show that weakness and vulnerability.

Hell, I still do it today. That's partly why I brought it up. There's still a massive proscription on weeping deep down inside me, written in the Scurry C++ kernel. It's hard to overcome that even today, what with the recent strides made in the fields of psychiatry and tequila.

Feels like I'm making up for the lost tears of my childhood today... crying these days taps into deep pain and repression, and I'll be goddamned if it doesn't feel good to spit some of that poison out.