Wednesday, May 24, 2006


Hey folks, it's me -- the lumbering, docile dugong, inhabitant of the shallow depths, here to tell you that the "American Idol" final will be won by Grey-Haired Human in a walk.

As a dugong, I've enjoyed this season quite a bit. I daresay I'll be a little misty-eyed when next Tuesday rolls around and I'll have nothing to watch at 8 p.m. Oh, how I'll miss the sub-sonic banter the judges share between the contestants singing! Earlier in the season, I especially enjoyed the delightful antics of the Calflike Juvenile-Human and his high-pitched lisp of a singing voice. It sounds quite nice under the water -- you'll have to take this dugong's word for it.

In the end, it seems like the right three kids got to the finals in Grey-Haired Human, Shiny Large-Udders, and Large-Eared Diabetic Human. Better them than Hairless Screaming Human who made all of his songs sound like "Creed." You have to imagine how much his tones lose under the waves. It's the elkhorn coral that ruins it, I think.

So now, you humans have used your flippers to text message your votes in numbers greater than that of your Pod-Leader elections... and you have decided on Grey-Haired Human. Shiny Large-Udders can create a mellifluous sound (and well as feed many a calf, methinks! Rowwrr!), but her inexperience performing in front of a large pod seems obvious.

The jerky, spastic antics of Grey-Haired Human reminds this dugong of a childhood friend -- a squid named Gary. I don't think I've ever seen Grey-Haired Human shoot a jet of ink yet, but maybe he's saving that for the "Idols on Tour" stage show.