The James Woods Jokebook

OK, let's get this shit rolling -- I don't have all fucking day to waste on you and your fucking pissant questions.

Joke number one: What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hey bud.

Fucking funny, right. OK, moving on:

Joke number two: What do you call a cat in the freezer? A catsicle.

This shit is so easy, even you can score with it.

Joke number three: Why did the guy throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly!

Nice -- right asshole? Try this one on for size:

Joke number four: Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.

Now you're getting it. I'm gonna throw some curveballs at you now.

Joke number five: Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

This is a good one, shithead:

Joke number six: A woman is seeing her gynecologist and he asks her if she'd liked to be numbed before the procedure. She says yes, so he kneels down in front of her pussy and says, "Num-num-num-num."

Fuck yeah! OK, douschebag, this is my last one:

Joke number seven: How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, because they're all a bunch of lazy-ass fucking bloody-gashes who take papa's poker cash away every time he fucks them in the ass in his fucking room at the Sands. Fucking cunts.

I think we all get the idea. Blow off now, kid. Go fuck yourself.