Quacksucking motherquackers!

There's a little construction project raging across the street -- they've set up this scaffolding that houses an enormous, canary-colored penis that is a garbage sluice for construction waste. Every morning for the past two weeks, we're woken up at 8 p.m. sharp by the sounds of hardhats throwing what must be, like, eighteen bowling balls down this tube into the bottom of an empty dumpster. CLANGITY-CLANG! This shit goes on for four hours every morning -- it's like they do the noisiest part of the job at dawn, and all the quiet sawing and nail-driving towards dinner time. It's like living across the street from Bizarro-Superman Contractors, LLC.

It's been two weeks without any kind of decent sleep, and I'm falling to pieces. For my part, I'm going to poison them all with chlorine gas, find out where their widows live, and punch them in the fallopian tubes.