The Boloney Valediction

O.K. folks, even a little puppet-man made of wood and cloth can get the hint when he's not needed anymore (and for once, I'm not talking about Herve Villechaize!). Besides, I think I hear the looming footsteps of the editor returning to his computer -- and he's threatening me with a belt-sander! If he wants this chair back, he's going to have to take it by might -- ter-mite, that is! Hotcha-hotcha -- I gotcha!

Seriously, there are a few people I'd like to thank before I get forcibly ejected. I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without the invaluable help of Mortimer Snerd, who said to me, "Kid, you gotta get the sawdust out of your ears and log the proper time it'll take to make a big bark in this business." Hotcha-hotcha! Also, I have to thank Lester, of "Willie Tyler &..." fame for similar sage advice: "Lumber into that talent scout's office and demand that he give you a hand." Get it? A hand? Like the one up my ass? Fits in with all the wood/tree jokes I've been laying on you, albeit unsuccessfully.

The wood motif! Knocks 'em dead!

That's it for me, ladies and germs. The oldest rule in show-business is to end on a big note, so I'll just say, "No, I didn't use a rag-tourniquet to strangle that 48-year-old Ukrainian prostitute they just found under the thawing snow out in front of Bill's apartment, but I bet I know someone who could tell you about that, Officer!"

Hotcha-hotcha -- I gotcha! Goodnight!