Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Listen to reason

Six hours ago, mounting a treadmill getting ready to work out...

Me: Okay, body, it's time to wake up. Four miles, you little... skirt-wearing girl... thingie. That's it -- four miles. You can do this.

Me: I don't think so.

Me: What?

Me: Nah. Not gonna happen.

Me: Wait, I give the orders around... me.

Me: Go ahead.

Me: Urghh... umph.... urk...

Me: Not gonna happen. Not gonna do it... nah-gah-daht.

Me: Oh that's so timely -- Carvey from like, 13 years ago.

Me: Yeah, well... you have the brain part up there. I have the spleen and shit.

Me: Enough of this -- let's get the move on. Let's get our run on, bitch! Let's do this damn thing! Yeah!

Me: No to the izz-ope.

Me: Run! Lift legs! Over and over! Repeat! C'mon, you little sissy... you little... vagina-having woman! Let's run this shit up! What, are you late for your gynecologist appointment? You... vagina-haver!

Me: Hmmmmmno. Nice with all that misogyny, by the way. Sure the wife'll be crazy about that.

Me: Please!? -- I gave you that whole potato last night! Remember that? Mmm, nice, tasty potato!

Me: BUUUUUT -- you poisoned me with beer and bourbon, and then stayed up until 1:15 in the a.m. shooting Russians in the head playing "Metal Gear Solid 2."

Me: All right, you win....