Cat piano

Somewhere, down by Hermann Goering, Marcus Brutus, and Peter Jennings in the deepest sphyncter of Hell, you'll surely Athanasius Kircher, designer of the 1650 innovation the cat piano, a device the pricked kitties' bottoms with a needle depending on which key you played. Presumably, you'd have cats of varying tones for different notes.

Congratulations, Kircher -- you're the ACS's "Prick of the Millennium!"*

(*Valid through last millennium only)