Membership

It's finally here! I got it! The National Rifle Association finally came around to asking me into its hallowed, powder-burned halls of membership -- aaaaaaaand, I'm being offered a free duffel bag, to boot.

Until now, I've been lugging my cop-killer bullets around in a Kate Space hobo bag. This makes much more sense.

I can think of nothing a young white man living in a city full of non-white (read: larcenous) people might need more than easy access to firearms, for purposes of self protection and hunting... people.

But wait -- there's more! Look at what else I can cash in on:

I know, a free window decal AND a subscription to "Woman's Outlook" magazine. Where do I sign up? I dare you to try and pry this offer out from my cold, dead hands!

Boy howdy, this offer is so enticing it's almost worth a manslaughter charge. Thank you Wayne LaPierre, you fucking douschebag!