Monday, August 14, 2006

Running with GW

"If you are the president and you start a club, you get to make the rules. So it is with the 100-Degree Club, founded by Mr. Bush several years ago to promote exercise, or perhaps to test staff members' grit, in -- you guessed it -- the scorching Central Texas heat. The rules are simple: members run 3 miles, or bike for 10, when the thermometer hits triple digits. The reward for finishing: a photo with the president and a gray Under Armour athletic shirt (retail $19.99) emblazoned with a Texas star encircled by the words 'The President's 100-Degree Club.' "
-The New York Times, Thursday, 8/10

* * * *

Me: huff-huff-huff... I was... huff-huff-huff... GeeDub, we need to huff-huff-huff... slow down... huff-huff-huff... cardiac... Cheney... me...

Bush: What's the prob, Whiskers? Ya can't keep up with Ol' G, now can ya?

Me: huff-huff-huff... At least... huff-huff-huff... slow... death... pretzel...

Bush: Aw, ya little skirt. We can rein it in a bit. Ya want that shirt or not, Scarecrow?

Me: I thought my nickname... huff-huff-huff... was "Smackie"?

Bush: Mebbe yesterday, but today ya look like a "Poop Storm" to me.

Me: There's something I need to... huff-huff... ask you...

Bush: Always with the learnin' and the quest-ee-own-ays. Alright, Lucky Strike, fire away.

Me: It seems that the U.S. foreign policy in... huff-huff the matter huff-huff... of Middle East peace seems to be... huff-huff more pro-Israel than earlier administrations... huff-huff... almost resoundingly so!

Bush: Whatcha gettin' at, Stumpy?

Me: I guess I'm just questioning the... huff-huff wisdom of such an extreme departure... huff-huff... from the norm in this... huff-huff... extreme world climate.

Bush: I go with my gut, Killjoy. If it don't feel right, I toss it. If I like it, if it makes sense, I throw it to Dick. End-o-story.

Me: That seems like an arbitrary reason... Mister President... huff-huff...

Bush: Can't we just run and have a lil' bit of fun, Heidi Klum? I didn't think ya were gonna get all serious-like on ol' Gee-Whiz over here.

Me: I'm just trying to huff-huff understand what my government is doing... huff-huff...

Bush: Do ya like fondue, Woody?

Me: huff-huff... Come again, Mister President?

Bush: Fondue. Either ya fondue or ya fon-don't.

Me: Is that a joke huff-huff... sir?

Bush: I love fondue. Can't get enough of it.

Me: I like fondue, too huff-huff...

Bush: There's something I betcha didn't know ya had in common with me, Buzz. Let's rein it in and run back to the ranch. I got a jones on for some fondue like ya wouldn't believe.

Me: Heh heh... huff-huff... that sounds deelish, Gee-Dub. Count ol' Scratch and Sniff in!

Bush: Now that's more like it! Leave no snack behind, s'what I always say.