Wednesday, March 22, 2006

And now back to...
"The Worst Cop On Earth"

Setting: A neighborhood surface street on a spring day. A highway patrol officer and his partner sit in their cruiser, waiting to sting a speeder...

Worst Cop On Earth: It's quiet today, Jones... too quiet.

Jones: Well, we are patrolling a town of only 150 people. This entire county stretches over 30 miles, and the population density is four people per square mile.

Worst Cop On Earth: Keep your eyes peeled. I have a feeling someone is going to try to get one past The Law today.

Suddenly, a motorcade of five black cars led by a hearse drives past them... obeying the speed limit and using hand signals for turns.

Worst Cop On Earth: I don't like the looks of this.

Jones: I think we can let let it...

Worst Cop On Earth: I'm punching it!

The cruiser zips out and pulls over the hearse.

Worst Cop On Earth: Well, what do we have here?

Driver: This is the Higgins funeral. We're on our way to the cemetery. What seems to be the problem, officer?

Worst Cop On Earth: I'll ask the questions. (beat) Say, it looks like you could carry a lot of stuff back there.

Driver: Uh, yeah.

Worst Cop On Earth: Sir, could you please open the back of this vehicle for me?

Driver: Um, okay.

Driver gets out and leads Worst Cop On Earth and Jones to the rear. He unlatches the gate and exposes the coffin.

Worst Cop On Earth: Just as I thought -- a dead body! (Takes out his cuffs) You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can be used against you...

Stay tuned for scenes from next week's "The Worst Cop On Earth."