PEOPLE OF EARTH!

I have come from your black and infinite heavens to lord over you with my thousand-arm grasp! I am massive, and my will rules all! My whim is your command! Bend your knees before your new alien master!

Now, I will begin with a small list of things I will require to rule your planet with an iron fist:

-250 ml. of Scottish whiskey (blended)
-Three Portuguese dancing girls
-One Moto Razr cellular phone with the sad, "walking away" music from "The Incredible Hulk" TV show as the ringtone
-One Wendy's biggie-combo, with an additional small chili on the side
-A $50 gift certificate to a "Hot Topic" store, within what your species calls a "mall"
-A copy of William Shatner's 1992 novel "TekWar"
-A travel clothes-steamer
-One bottle of Ibuprofen

Do not dare to question me! My will is indomitable, and my power endless! I shall smash your hairless, pink race into a fine, colloidal powder if my urges are not satiated! As I command, so shall you do!

And when you're out, can you pick up some tartar control Crest? My will shall be done! Boogah! Hoyaaargh!