Wednesday, March 01, 2006


Who invented the bagel pizza? At first blush, I guess it seems like a good idea -- the marriage of a doughy crust with the gooey topping we've come to expect from pizza. But, upon further analysis, the bagel pizza is in fact a shoddy invention. What kind of foodstuff designed as a platter for melted cheese and thick sauce is conceived with a hole in its center? This is like designing a cereal bowl with a hole drilled in the bottom. Don't look at me when the Kix dribbles down onto your lap.

I suppose that you could further hone this invention by proposing an english muffin pizza -- but the composition of the dough, coupled with its notorious nook-and-cranny matrix, hardly makes this a suitable alternative.