Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My anus is shooting out foam

I can't stop, but I'm also not sure I want to.

Everything seemed fine this morning, but halfway through my workout my anus started hosing the room down with white, soapy suds... a delightful froth filled the exercise room. Afterwards, I dismissed it as a one-off, freak of nature event and assumed that the day would be normal.

But after I got to work, I went into the office of my boss, Duke, to talk about scheduling, and instead wound up hosing him down with sweet, marshmallow-scented foam... from out the anus. I mean, it had a real kick -- it knocked him off his feet and blew his sportcoat right off his back. He lost his bifocals in the tumult.

I apologized to him, and went back to my desk... I figured I should play it safe and remove my pants, just to be sure. Truth be told, I'm always looking for an excuse to remove my pants at work, but I rarely find one. So, today was like Christmas -- delicious, airy foam from my enwidened anus AND no pants. Cha-ching!

So, I'm getting ready to go home in a little while, and I'm wondering what I should do with my anus-foam. Is there a way to capitalize on it? Can I interest Homeland Security in it? Will it win me friends?

Uh oh -- while typing this, I just womped on the C.F.O. of the company, who's been walking around the 6th floor here today. He was blown clear across the room, and he doesn't seem to be moving. He's lying still in an airy swath of creamy, billowy anus foam, looking like a photo freeze-frame of someone making snow angels.

Except in an unknown substance that was shot out of my anus like a frosted-marshmallow firehose.