Thursday, January 05, 2006

Best degraded artform

The Writers' Guild of America script nominations came out today, and my attention buzzed right to the first category:

CINDERELLA MAN, Screenplay by Cliff Hollingsworth and Akiva Goldsman; CRASH, Screenplay by Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco; THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN, Written by Judd Apatow & Steve Carell; GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK, Written by George Clooney & Grant Heslov; THE SQUID AND THE WHALE, Written by Noah Baumbach

OK, it's irregular to see Forty-Year-Old Virgin up there next to Good Night and Good Luck, but we'll grant that... "Virgin" was a big ol' football of fun tossed with a tight spiral right at your groin. No, what is even more irregular was the inclusion of another Akiva Goldsman script (Cinderella Man), much like there was in 2001 with A Beautiful Mind - which actually won the best adapted screenplay Oscar that year.

Look closer here - you'll notice that a FUCKING OSCAR was awarded to the screenplay sausage-maker who was responsible for Batman Forever, Batman and Robin, A Time To Kill, Lost In Space, and Practical Magic. Oh, and I, Robot too.

Stunned... by the stunning incongruity... of stunning proportions. How can the man who is (as we speak) singlehandedly destroying the spoken word as it appears on film – like some kind of incurable celluloid dialogue hepatitis - not have had his WGA card torn up, doused with kerosene, and tossed into a blast furnace? Like, back in 1994?

We now return to Law & Order: Ariel Sharon's Massive Hemorrhage, already in progress.