Fake Oscars

Jon Stewart seems like an inspired choice to host the Oscars... seems, I emphasize. But, as opined first by Dana Stevens on Slate.com (in an observation I wish I had made myself), Stewart is unsentimental, whereas the Oscars are WHOLLY built upon sentiment. Chris Rock was funny last year, but out of place - you knew within five minnits that he wouldn't be back in 2006.

Gil Cates is obviously clueless about how to update the show and contemporize that shit, so I would either say JUMP OFF, GIL!, or, go with your gut and get some kind of Hollywood royalty to host up that bitch, like a Glenn Close or a Donald Sutherland. Note, they were the twin V.O. announcers, like, two years ago, and they were perfectly timbre-ed for the jarb. Or Clint! He's steeping in Hollywood sentiment as we speak - that's what keeps his dessicated tissues moist and humidly aromatic. It's a trick he learned from Sergio Leone on set during Fistful of Dollars.