Begging to be remade

Want to make a trillion bucks with me? I have a killer idea -- hear me out for five minutes before you slam a door on my penis.

Do you remember the 1987 movie "The Monster Squad?" We gon' remake it. It's begging to be remade (hence the title of this post). It's an airtight premise, and you would all be on the same page as me right now if not for the miserable failure of "Van Helsing," which had a similar concept, save for a deadly dry and unironic interpretation.

That premise, for those who don't remember: The classics of the Universal Studios horror vaults converge in an unholy pentenary -- Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman, the Mummy, and Gill-Man (not to be confused with Gil Gerard) -- with designs on destroying humanity, or something approximal to that. Before they can get their act together, a couple of screwy kids manage to do what Van Helsing and others fail at -- namely, killing all the monsters. There's comedy, there's chills, there's comedy, there's thrills, there's comedy... there's also the horribly old actor Leonardo Cimino playing a Scary German Guy. It has it all, or close to it all.

I daresay that horror and comedy have rarely been fused so well into one tasty McD.L.T. Deluxe of entertainment. In the spirit of similar schticky comedies -- a "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle," say -- this would make a snappy, slapsticky, screwball-ky, horr-thrill-com for the "24 Laguna Scrubs" generation.