Kenny Rogers

He was the "guest-lebrity" on "American Idol" this week, helping the contestants to zombie-lope like a figment of Romero's imagination through some of the worst music created, indeed, since molecules first bumped into one another to invent sound itself.

But instead of the rugged "Gambler" character who is a self-appointed expert on holding and folding, we get a thing that looks like the aggregate skin removed from Burt Reynolds over the last twenty-five years. He is fucking frightening -- I turned to the wife-mestic partner and said, "Kenny Rogers has blurred the line between himself and Katherine Helmond in 'Brazil.' "