Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Post

As Wifenstein's Monster already broke the story today, a joke I wrote was, in fact, picked up by the New York Post. The theme was faux "Page Six" items from the year 2026, and in the interest of full disclosure, here were my three submissions, pre-edit. They went with a variation of the first item:

Hilton III takes up with Martian shipping heir
Paris Hilton III, granddaughter of the original post-millennial celebutante Paris Hilton, was seen canoodling with Martian shipping heir Spiros Kyriopoulos at the exclusive club Pancake in the Siliconpacking District. Hilton came in on her Maybach Segueway and stayed only long enough to exchange smooches with the space-hunk before she had to catch a shuttle to Jayoncé's Sweet 16 party on the island of San Francisco.

Dems party at black-tie Guggenheim fete
Luminaries of the Democratic Party threw a major fundraising bash at the Guggenheim last night, and they filled the museum with A-List roster of guests such as Dem-doyenne Alexandra Kerry, Ariana Huffington 3.0, George Clooney, George Clooney's clone, George Clooney's clone's clone -- and, oddly enough, H. Ross Perot. The theme of the bash was "Proudly Underrepresented in Either Chamber for Thirty Years Running."

He crashes his rocketship -- again
George Michael, elder statesman of Brit-pop, was trying to lift off from his landing space in the South Street Spaceport last night when he bashed his rocketcar into three parked vehicles on his way out. Police detained him and found twice the legal limit of alcohol and tofu-juana in his system.

OK, they're mostly lame, but they were written on a 20 minute turnaround... and I had a touch of Down's Syndrome yesterday.