Don't steal music

Hello, I'm Irvin R. Mogulman, and I'm here to remind you of the dangers of stealing music. For one thing, musicians and music companies are poorer than ever. Not to mention... well, I really don't have a point beyond that. Yes, the music industry is in such bad shape right now because YOU are stealing mp3 files off the internet. I'm forced to find new ways to profit hand-over-fist in the music biz -- and I have my sights set raping the business of music publishing. What do you expect me to do -- chew on a lesser brand of unlit cigar? I think not, bitch.

And yes, it was absolutely necessary for me to gum a cigar in this shot. I have no idea what subtlety is.