Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Blind-ass tenor

I'm so totally over my "American Idol" tying into faded popstars to sell their dank-ass music, at the expense of an entertaining show. This season alone, the fucking producers sold their souls to get such white-hot acts as Rod Stewart, Queen, Barry Manilow, Stevie Wonder, Kenny Rogers, and, tonight, Andrea Bocelli.

What any of these people have to do with "American Idol" is beyond me. What's more, the producers shortsightedly hamstrung this season -- where the talent happened to be the best yet -- by making all these wonderful voices sing from the lowliest catalogs imaginable. Does the average "AI" fan have any idea who Rod Stewart even is? "They have a word for guys like you -- ewww."

Last night's episode was the nadir of selling your show out to nobodies -- blind, greasy Italian tenor Bocelli, a man who I'm sure occupies the blind spot of every 13-year-old girl's pop-culture radar, coached the kids into some bad choices on "Love Song Night." Hur-lo? With the exception of Pickler, there are only amazing voices left over. Why saddle them with suck? Sure, on "2000's Night" they all bombed in song choice, but there are better options than requiring they all sing Neil Sedaka.

Speaking of Pickler, it's not even cute, charming, or funny any more. She's butchering songs out there so badly that the Kodak Theatre looks like the set of "Saw II." It's time to stop pretending she has any redeeming value, 'Merica. If Elliott Yamin is the Prada loafer, she's certainly the flip-flops of this competition.