Wednesday, April 12, 2006

A bundle of joy and broken bones

Why did it take so long for L.A. Child Services to pay a lil' visit to the Spearsderline household? Was the writing on the wall the not emblazoned as big as "Turk 182?" So, little Preston Blurpblorp Bigglebuggle Spears the 3rd fell down in a broken babyseat and bumped his head.

Er, scratch that -- he actually broke his skull and developed a blood clot. Oops, I'll try not to do that again!

Between this and the Malibu baby-steering incident, you know that there MUST have been a smattering of other irresponsible, terrifying things that Britney has done to that child, y'all, that haven't been reported. Things such as:

–Leaving the baby in his clothes while washing and tumble-drying them.
–Deep-frying the baby, forgetting which hand the okra was in.
–Using the baby as a doorstop while moving furniture into K-Fed's dope "Smoove Move Room."
–Mailing the baby off in the AmEx envelope, instead of a check.
–Leaving the baby on the dressing-room peg at Fred Siegel.
–Groggily feeding the baby a nippled-bottle of Rum Brughal the morning after partying at the Chateau Marmont.