Open your blinds, America!

It's time to open your hearts to your neighbors, friends! Leave your blinds open! There is too much isolation in the world today -- people live next door to one another never meet, or make eye contact. We're a nation of strangers, living on top of one another.

That's why I say open your windows and leave your curtains strung up. Zip your blinds up, and let the light inside. Get a good look at the landscape that surrounds you! Feast your eyes on streets, cars, fences, lawns, people, animals, pools... whatever! There's a whole big world out there, and you should want to share it with everyone. If you take the first step and set a good example of openness, then your neighbor will follow your lead and do the same.

Openness is contagious! Open your blinds, friends, especially at night, especially our female neighbors. Be proud to stand in front of your bedroom window, backlit by that yellow, sultry bulblight, limning your curvy silhouette. Be a part of the world, the larger world around you. Feel free to slip out of those thigh-highs and shrug off that blouse... it's just your way of entering the cosmopolitan world and bonding with your environs.

Never mind the guy that looks like me, standing naked in the dark with a pair of night-vision goggles, painted head-to-toe in blue highlander dye, fully aroused. He's just making himself a part of your world!