Monday, April 03, 2006


Come join me in FANTASYLAND! It's where all your dreams come true! Mosey with me through the Pizzaberry Waterfalls! Gallivant across the Cunnilingus Mushrooms! We'll have so much fun traipsing through Astronautsantaville Anusraspberry Flats!

Here in FANTASYLAND, you're only limited by the power of your imagination! Just think of something,. and it will happen! If you desire to have a massive icicle of Grape Kool-Aid impale your boss, here's the place to do it! All it takes is a little willpower... and the dreams of a small child!

(Seriously, this motherfucker is powered by the dreams of small children. We have their little heads hooked up like a bunch of car batteries. Damn things are like stem cells when it comes to making wishes come true.)

Just take my hand and skip, skip, skippity-doo with me through heaths of Blowjob Trees and Promotion 'n' Raise bushes. There's so much for you to see here -- so all you need to do is close your eyes, count backwards to five from ten, put your index fingers in your ears, blow out as HAAARRRD as you can, put a travelers' cheque worth $500 dollars in an envelope, spin around THREE TIMES, cook a pound of pasta al dente, stomp twice, say "Ululululululu-Orson Welles!" as LOOOOUUUUD as you can and wait for a few days! You'll be here in no time.

On second thought, fuck you. Get your own fucking FANTASYLAND, dousche.